Parents' guide — online strangers

My child is messaging a stranger online — what should I do?

If you have just found your child messaging someone you do not know, breathe first. Do not snatch the phone or delete anything yet. This guide walks you through tonight: the free numbers to ring, how to work out who this person really is, how to talk to your child without blame, and how to save the evidence.

By the Safeinest team — written by parents, checked against what the apps really do · Published 28 October 2026

If it is happening tonight

Take one slow breath first. Finding this is frightening, but a panicked reaction makes your child go quiet, and you need them to talk to you.

If you believe your child is in danger right now — someone is on their way to meet them, or they are being threatened — call 999.

These lines are free, open now, and the people who answer do this every day.

• Childline, free on 0800 1111 — for your child, any hour, in their own words.
• NSPCC on 0808 800 5000 — for you, the parent, when you are not sure what to do next.
• CEOP Safety Centre — to report an adult contacting or messaging a child online. CEOP is part of the National Crime Agency; search for “CEOP Safety Centre” and use the report form.

Outside the UK, call your local emergency number or your country’s child helpline.

Some things mean you stop assessing and act now. Treat any of these as a bright line:

• They have asked your child for a photo, especially an undressed one.
• They have asked your child to keep the chat secret.
• They have asked to move to a private app or one where messages disappear.
• They have sent gifts, money, or game credit.
• They have asked to meet in person.
• Anything sexual has been said, sent, or asked for.

If you see one of these, save what is there (the next sections show how) and report it to CEOP, or call 999 if a meeting is planned. You do not need to be certain to report a worry — that is what these services are for.

First, work out who this really is

Not every stranger is a danger. Many children message people they met in a game, a fandom, or a group chat, and many of those are other children the same age. A “stranger” can simply be a friend they have not met in person.

But you cannot assume, and you cannot always tell. Grooming almost always begins as a friendly, ordinary stranger — kind, interested, on the child’s side. So stay calm and look at the facts you can see.

Quiet questions to ask yourself:

• Where did they meet — a game, a social app, a random message?
• What do they talk about? Game chat is different from lots of questions about your child’s body, home, or feelings.
• Does the other person seem to know far more than a child would?
• Has the contact tried to move somewhere you cannot see it?

Strangers often arrive through games and chat apps. Our guides to Discord servers, DMs and strangers and chat and strangers on Roblox explain where contact starts. If this looks like more than a gaming friend, the companion guide on the warning signs of grooming helps you read the pattern.

You may not be able to tell for sure. When you cannot, treat it as serious until you know otherwise — that is being careful, not overreacting.

The conversation — without blame

How you begin this talk decides how much your child tells you. Sit beside them, not across, and keep your voice low.

Open with the two sentences that matter most: “You are not in trouble. I am not angry.” Mean it. If your child fears you will be angry, they will tell you less, or nothing at all.

Then listen more than you talk. Ask gentle, open questions — who is this, how did you meet, what do you talk about — and let the quiet sit. Do not call the other person names yet; your child may like them, and attacking them makes a child defend rather than confide.

Do not delete the messages or pretend to be your child to catch the other person out. Tonight is for understanding and keeping your child close, not for an investigation.

The phone and the evidence

If there is any chance this is an adult or something harmful, the messages are evidence. Protect them first.

• Do not delete anything. Not the chat, not the account, not the app. Deleted messages can be lost for good.
• Do not reply as your child. It can scare the person off and cause problems if police later look at the account.
• Take screenshots of the messages, the other person’s profile, their username, and anything they have asked for. If you cannot screenshot, photograph the screen with another phone.
• Block the contact only after you have saved everything. Blocking first can hide the account and the history.
• Keep the phone safe. If you report to the police or CEOP, they may need the device. Do not wipe or reset it.

If a sexual image of your child has been shared, do not save or send it on; report it to the Internet Watch Foundation, who have such images removed.

Reporting it

You do not have to decide alone, or be certain before you ask for help.

• 999 — in an emergency, or if a meeting is being planned.
• CEOP Safety Centre — to report an adult contacting, messaging, or grooming a child. This is the main route for a worried parent in the UK.
• Internet Watch Foundation — to report a sexual image of a child so it can be removed.
• The platform’s own report button — every major app and game has one; use it to report the account.
• NSPCC on 0808 800 5000 — to talk it through first with someone who will help you decide.

If the contact turns out to be a harmless friend the same age, you have lost nothing by checking. If not, you will have acted in time.

The numbers

If this has happened in your home, you are not careless and not alone. It is more common than most parents realise.

The pattern in every one of these numbers is silence. Children stay quiet out of fear, shame, or not wanting to lose the phone. That is why the calm, no-blame conversation matters so much: you make it safe for your child to be the one who tells you.

What to say to your child

If you are not sure how to begin, use these words almost exactly:

• “I saw you were messaging someone. You are not in trouble, and I am not angry. I just want to understand.”
• “You can tell me anything, even if you think it will upset me. I will not take your phone away for telling me the truth.”
• “Grown-ups who mean harm are very good at seeming kind and normal. If anyone online ever makes you feel confused, or asks you to keep a secret, come straight to me.”

Say it once, calmly, and leave the door open. The goal is not one big talk, but that your child knows they can come back.

About this guide

This guide is published by the parent-led team behind Safeinest, a family-safety app. It is written to stand on its own: nothing above needs the app. If, later, you want to know what an app can and cannot do on an Android phone or an iPhone, the honest version is on our features page.