Parents' guide — grooming

Is my child being groomed online? The warning signs parents miss

If you think your child is in danger right now, call 999. For your child, Childline is on 0800 1111; for you, the NSPCC is on 0808 800 5000. This guide explains the warning signs of online grooming that are easy to miss, and the calm steps to take next.

By the Safeinest team — written by parents, checked against what the apps really do · Published 16 September 2026

If it is happening tonight

Take a breath. You are doing the right thing by looking.

If your child is in immediate danger, call 999 now.

If you want to talk to someone first, these lines are free and open:

Childline — 0800 1111. For your child. They can call day or night, and it is confidential.
NSPCC — 0808 800 5000. For you, the parent. Trained staff will help you think through what to do.

You can also report an adult who is contacting a child to CEOP, the National Crime Agency's CEOP Safety Centre. If sexual images of your child exist online, the Internet Watch Foundation can work to have them removed.

Outside the UK, call your local emergency number or your country's child helpline.

The warning signs parents miss

Grooming is when an adult builds trust with a child in order to abuse them. It is slow and quiet by design. One sign on its own is often nothing. It is a cluster of signs, and the secrecy running through them, that matters.

Look gently for:

Being secretive about the phone — hiding the screen, or switching apps fast when you walk in.
A new "friend" they will not talk about, or an older online contact you have never met.
Gifts, money or game credits appearing that you did not give them.
Using the phone at odd hours, late into the night.
New accounts you did not know they had.
Sudden mood changes — withdrawn, anxious, or unusually clingy.
Sexual words or ideas that are beyond their age.
Mentioning a "secret" or a private thing they have been told to keep.

None of these prove anything alone. Together, and with secrecy, they are worth a calm, closer look. If you have already seen worrying messages, our guides on a child who saw something adult online and whether WhatsApp is safe for kids may help too.

What to do — and the conversation

Stay calm, even though your heart is racing. Your child is the victim here. They have done nothing wrong.

Do not confront them with anger or blame. A groomed child often feels ashamed, or believes they are in love, or has been told the "secret" is their fault. Anger makes them close the door.

Pick a quiet moment. Sit beside them, not across from them. Try: "I am not angry. You are not in trouble. I just want to keep you safe." Then listen more than you talk. Let the silences sit.

If your child has hinted at hurting themselves, read our guide on a child's message about self-harm as well.

The phone and the evidence

Before you do anything to the phone, protect what is on it.

Do not delete the messages. They are evidence.
Do not reply to the person, and do not pretend to be your child.
Take screenshots of the messages, the profile, the username, and any images or requests.
Block the person once you have saved the evidence.

Keep the phone somewhere safe rather than destroying it. The police may need it. If you are unsure, the NSPCC line above can talk you through it before you touch anything.

Reporting it

You do not have to decide this alone.

For an adult contacting or grooming a child, report to CEOP, the National Crime Agency's CEOP Safety Centre.
In an emergency, or if a child is in danger now, call 999.
For sexual images of a child online, the Internet Watch Foundation works to have them taken down.
To talk it through first, the NSPCC on 0808 800 5000 can advise.

Reporting can feel huge. It is also how it stops — for your child, and often for other children too.

The numbers

If your child did not tell you, that is not a failure of your parenting. Most children do not tell a parent. The research is clear.

What the research found	Source
Of children who were groomed and told someone, 93% told a friend and only 19% told their mother.	Bravehearts
1 in 3 young people targeted by sextortion told no one.	Hope for Justice
27% of US 9–17-year-olds had an online sexual interaction; 1 in 5 of those told no one, and 15% asked an AI chatbot instead of a person.	Thorn (2024/2025)
An estimated 1 in 8 of the world's children — about 302 million in one year — experienced online sexual solicitation or image abuse.	Childlight, University of Edinburgh
2 in 5 children who saw the worst thing they had seen online never told anyone.	LGfL, via Internet Matters

Silence is the pattern, not the exception. Your child staying quiet is part of how grooming works — not a sign that they do not trust you.

What to say to your child

Keep it simple, and repeat it often:

"This is not your fault."
"You are not in trouble, and I am not angry."
"Nothing you tell me will make me love you less."
"We will sort this out together. You do not have to carry it alone."

A groomed child has been taught to keep a secret. Being met with calm, not shock, is what helps them let it go.

About this guide

This guide is published by the parent-led team behind Safeinest, a family-safety app. It is written to stand on its own: nothing above needs the app. If, later, you want to know what an app can and cannot do on an Android phone or an iPhone, the honest version is on our features page.

Common questions

What are the signs my child is being groomed online?

Look for a cluster, not one thing: secrecy about the phone, a new online "friend" they will not discuss, unexplained gifts, money or game credits, use at odd hours, new accounts, sudden mood changes, and sexual language beyond their age. One sign alone is usually nothing. Secrecy running through several signs is the real warning. Trust your instinct and look closer, calmly.

My child is being secretive with their phone — is that grooming?

Not necessarily. Wanting privacy is normal for a growing child, especially a teenager. Secrecy matters when it comes with other signs — a contact they hide, gifts you did not give, late-night use, or a "secret" they must keep. If your gut is worried, you can talk to the NSPCC on 0808 800 5000 before deciding anything.

Should I take my child's phone away if I think they're being groomed?

Keep the phone, but do not delete anything on it — the messages are evidence the police may need. Take screenshots first, then block the person. Taking the phone away suddenly can feel like punishment to a child who already feels ashamed. Reassure them that they are not in trouble, and keep the device somewhere safe rather than wiping it.

How do I report online grooming in the UK?

Report the adult to CEOP, the National Crime Agency's CEOP Safety Centre. If your child is in danger right now, call 999. For sexual images online, the Internet Watch Foundation can work to remove them. To talk it through first, call the NSPCC on 0808 800 5000. Outside the UK, use your local emergency number or child helpline.

What should I do if I find sexual messages on my child's phone?

Stay calm and do not reply or delete anything. Take screenshots of the messages, the profile and the username, then block the person. Your child is the victim, so do not blame them. Report to CEOP, and call 999 if they are in danger. Childline is there for your child on 0800 1111, day or night.

Why didn't my child tell me they were being groomed?

This is normal, and not a failure of your parenting. Groomers teach children to keep secrets, and children often feel ashamed or afraid. Research from Bravehearts found that of groomed children who told someone, 93% told a friend and only 19% told their mother. Silence is part of how grooming works, not a sign your child does not trust you.

What is sextortion and how do I know if it's happening to my child?

Sextortion is when someone threatens to share a child's private images unless they send more, or pay. Signs include sudden panic about the phone, secrecy, and withdrawing. Many stay silent — Hope for Justice found 1 in 3 young people targeted told no one. If you suspect it, do not pay, save evidence, and report to CEOP or call 999.

How do I talk to my child about grooming without scaring them?

Keep it calm and everyday. Sit beside them, not across from them. Say you are not angry and they are not in trouble, then listen more than you talk. Tell them that some adults online pretend to be friends, and that they can always come to you with any secret. Repeat it gently over time rather than in one big talk.

Can grooming happen through games like Roblox or Fortnite?

Yes. Any app with chat or messaging can be used to reach a child, including games. Gifts often arrive as in-game credits, skins or currency rather than cash. Watch for an older "friend" your child met while playing and will not talk about, or requests to move the chat to a private app. Calmly ask who they play with.

Is it my fault my child was groomed online?

No. Groomers are skilled adults who deliberately manipulate children and hide what they are doing. Most children never tell a parent — one study by LGfL, shared by Internet Matters, found 2 in 5 who saw the worst thing online told no one. What matters now is your calm response. You looking for help is exactly the right thing to do.