SafeinestWhat parents worry about
Is my child being groomed? The warning signs and what to do
If you think an adult is grooming your child, do this first: stay calm, keep every message, and tell your child they are not in trouble. This guide covers the warning signs, what to do in the next hour, who to report to in the UK, and the words that help a frightened child talk. Nothing in it needs an app.
If it is happening tonight
Go to your child. Not to shout, not to grab the phone — just to be in the same room. Whatever they have sent, or been sent, they need to hear one thing first: they are not in trouble. A groomed child has been made to feel it was their fault. It was not, and saying so out loud is the fastest way to the truth.
Then, in this order:
- Keep everything. Do not delete the messages, the pictures or the account. Screenshot the profile name, the app and the dates. That is evidence, and it is easy to lose in a panic.
- Do not message the person yourself. Confronting them warns them off. They can delete the account, frighten your child into silence, or pass the pictures on.
- Block, but only after you have kept the evidence. Every large app has a block button and a report button.
- Report it properly. In the United Kingdom, online grooming is reported to CEOP, the child protection command of the National Crime Agency, through its online Safety Centre. If your child is in immediate danger, or someone is using pictures to threaten them, call 999.
Three numbers, free and open now. Childline on 0800 1111 — for your child, any hour of the night. The NSPCC on 0808 800 5000 — for you, the adult, when you do not know what to do next. 999 in an emergency. Outside the UK, call your local emergency number or your country's child helpline.
Tonight has three jobs and only three. Keep your child close. Keep the evidence. Report it.
The short answer
Grooming is an adult, or an older young person, building trust with a child in order to use them — for pictures, for sex, or for money. Online it starts kindly, moves quickly into secrecy, and ends with a threat.
If you can see the pattern, do not wait for proof. Ask your child openly, keep the messages, report it to CEOP, and tell them plainly that nothing they have done will make you love them less.
What to watch for
No single sign here means a child is being groomed. Teenagers are private and moody at the best of times. What matters is a pattern, and a pattern that is new.
- A new friend your child cannot really explain — older, met online, always available, always understanding.
- Gifts and money that do not add up: game credits, top-ups, skins, phone credit, clothes, a second phone.
- Secrecy that was not there before: the screen turned away, the phone face down, a second account, a hidden app, chats deleted every day.
- Online at strange hours, especially very late, and jumpy or excited when a message lands.
- Words or knowledge about sex that do not fit their age.
- Pulling away from old friends and from family, and defending someone you have never met.
- Mood that swings: secretive, then angry if you ask, then flat. Tears after being on the phone.
- Talk of meeting someone, a journey they cannot explain, or a video chat they will not discuss.
Two things worth holding on to. Children are groomed by people they already know as often as by strangers online. And a child being blackmailed over a picture usually looks ashamed rather than frightened — shame is the lock, and your calm is the key.
What to do this week
- Ask once, openly, without a scene. “I have noticed you are talking to someone I do not know, and it has worried me. I am not angry. Can you tell me about them?” Then stop and let the silence sit.
- Save the evidence properly. Screenshots that include the username, the app and the date, uncropped, kept somewhere your child cannot delete them in a moment of panic.
- Report to CEOP through the Safety Centre, and report the account inside the app as well. If your child has met the person, call the police on 101, or 999 if there is danger now.
- If a picture of your child is out there, do not give up on it. Ring Childline on 0800 1111 — they help under-18s get images taken down.
- Tell the school. Ask for the designated safeguarding lead. They deal with this more often than parents imagine, and can watch quietly during the day.
- Do not take the phone away as a punishment. You need the evidence on it, and your child needs to keep talking to you. Agree together what happens with the phone instead.
- Look after yourself. Tell one other adult. The NSPCC line on 0808 800 5000 is there for parents, not only for children.
Two things often travel with grooming, and each has its own guide here: cruelty in a group chat, covered in what to do when your child is bullied on WhatsApp, and the low, silent mood afterwards, covered in what to do when a child messages about hurting themselves.
What the free tools do — and where they stop
Do the free things tonight, together, in the app where it happened: make the account private, turn off messages and comments from people your child does not follow, and turn off anything that shows their location or their school. Every large platform has these, and they decide whether a stranger can write to your child at all.
The parental controls that come free with a phone deserve an honest word. Google Family Link and Apple's Screen Time do screen-time limits, app approvals, content filters and location. Neither reads messages, and neither can tell you an adult is grooming your child. They are fences, not smoke alarms: they shape what a phone can do, they do not listen to what is said in it.
The numbers
These are real figures from named studies, and every one of them says the same thing.
| What was measured | The number | Source |
|---|---|---|
| Children who told nobody about the worst thing they saw online | 2 in 5 | LGfL, via Internet Matters |
| Young people aged 9–17 in the US who had an online sexual interaction (27% of them) and told no one | 1 in 5 | Thorn, 2024–2025 |
| Groomed young people who told someone — who they told | 93% told a friend; only 19% told their mother | Bravehearts |
| Young people blackmailed over an image who told no one | 1 in 3 | Hope for Justice |
| Children worldwide subject to online sexual exploitation or abuse in a single year | 1 in 8 — 302 million | Childlight, University of Edinburgh |
Thorn also found that half of those who stayed silent were embarrassed or afraid of being judged, and that 15% asked an AI chatbot instead of a person. That is the problem in one line: the child tells a friend, a machine, or no one. The adult has to go first, and ask.
What to say to your child
You do not need perfect words. Slow and warm beats clever every time. Something like this is enough:
“I know about the messages. I am not angry with you, and you are not in trouble — not for any of it. Grown-ups who do this are very good at making a young person feel it was their idea. It was not. I am going to report it, and I will tell you every step I take. You are not dealing with this on your own any more.”
Then stop talking. Let them answer in their own time, and believe what they tell you.
About this guide
This guide is published by the parent-led team behind Safeinest, a family-safety app. It is written to stand on its own: nothing above needs the app. If, later, you want to know what an app can and cannot do on an Android phone or an iPhone, the honest version is on our features page.
Common questions
What are the first signs that my child is being groomed?
The earliest signs are usually secrecy and gifts. A new online friend your child cannot explain, phone credit or game credits arriving from nowhere, the screen turned away, a second account, chats deleted daily, and being online very late. On their own these mean little. Together, and new, they are worth a calm, direct question tonight rather than next month.
Should I message the person myself and confront them?
No. Confronting them warns them off. They can delete the account and the evidence, threaten your child into silence, or send any pictures on to other people. Keep the messages, screenshot the profile and the dates, then block and report the account inside the app. In the UK, report online grooming to CEOP, and call 999 if there is danger now.
Should I take my child's phone away?
Not as a punishment, and not before you have saved the evidence on it. Taking the phone in anger tells a frightened child that honesty costs them everything, and it cuts them off from friends and from Childline on 0800 1111. Sit down together, look at the phone side by side, and agree out loud what happens with it next.
How do I report online grooming in the UK?
Report it to CEOP, the child protection command of the National Crime Agency, through its online Safety Centre. Report the account inside the app as well. If your child has met the person, or is being threatened, call the police on 101, or 999 in an emergency. The NSPCC on 0808 800 5000 will talk an adult through the whole process.
My child has sent a picture and now someone is demanding money. What do I do?
Do not pay, and do not let your child pay. Paying almost always brings a second demand. Stop replying, keep every message, block the account, and report it to CEOP and to the police. Tell your child clearly that they are the victim of a crime and are not in trouble. Childline on 0800 1111 helps under-18s get images taken down.
Can grooming happen inside a game like Roblox, Fortnite or Minecraft?
Yes, and games are one of the commonest places it starts, because an adult can talk to a child there for hours without ever meeting them. Gifts inside the game — credits, skins, a paid battle pass — are the classic opening move. Check who your child plays with, turn off chat with strangers in the game's own settings, and ask about the generous friend.
My child says the person is their boyfriend or girlfriend and they are in love. What now?
Take the feelings seriously and the age difference more seriously. Do not mock the relationship, or your child will simply hide it. Say that you believe they care about this person, and that an adult who wants secrecy from a child's parents is the part that worries you. Keep talking, keep the evidence, and still report it — the law protects children who do not feel they need protecting.
What age does online grooming happen at?
There is no safe age. Grooming follows the phone, and in the UK 56% of 10-year-olds and 83% of 11-year-olds now own a smartphone, according to Ofcom's 2025 research. Primary-age children are groomed in games and video apps; teenagers more often through social media and messaging. The conversation should start when the first device does, not at thirteen.
What if I am wrong and I upset my child by asking?
Being wrong costs you an awkward evening. Being right and silent costs far more. Ask in a way you can walk back: “I have noticed something and I would rather ask you than worry about it.” Children rarely stay angry that a parent cared. Bravehearts found that only 19% of groomed young people who told anyone told their mother — most tell nobody who can act.