SafeinestWhat parents worry about
Online bullying: what to do this week, and where an app helps
If your child is being bullied online, tonight has two jobs: listen, and stop the messages arriving. This guide covers what to do in the next hour, the evidence to save before anybody blocks anybody, what to email the school, what the free phone tools can and cannot see, and the words to use with your child.
If it is happening tonight
Sit with your child. Do not make them show you everything at once, and do not take the phone away as your first move — that reads as punishment for telling you. Two practical things before bed: take screenshots of what has been sent, and mute the group or chat so it stops arriving all night. Muting is not blocking; nobody is told.
- Childline, free on 0800 1111 — for your child, any hour, and they can ring without you in the room.
- NSPCC on 0808 800 5000 — for you, when you are not sure what to do next.
- 999 if there is a threat of violence, or your child is in danger now.
Outside the UK, call your local emergency number or your country's child helpline.
If your child is talking about hurting themselves, that is a different night and a different guide: what to do when your child sends a message about hurting themselves.
The short answer
Online bullying is handled in three places at once: at home, by listening and keeping the phone from becoming a punishment; in the app, by saving evidence, blocking and reporting; and at school, by telling the safeguarding lead in writing. Doing only one of the three is what makes it drag on for months.
The most useful thing you can do this week is keep the channel open. A child who fears the phone will be confiscated stops telling you things, and then you are working blind.
What to watch for
- They go quiet after picking up the phone, or flinch at a notification.
- Sleep changes. Bullying arrives at night, when there are no teachers.
- A friendship group that vanishes from conversation, or a sudden refusal to go to school.
- Deleting an account, changing a username, or leaving a group chat without saying why.
- Being tired, tearful or angry at times that follow a pattern — a Sunday evening, the end of lunchtime.
- Anything they say is "nothing", said twice.
None of these proves bullying on its own. Two or three together are worth a quiet question in the car, side by side, where nobody has to make eye contact.
What to do this week
- Listen first, and say thank you. "I am glad you told me" is worth more than any plan. Ask what they want to happen; children fear a parent making it worse far more than they fear the bully.
- Save the evidence. Screenshots with the date, the username and the whole thread visible, kept in one folder. Do this before anyone blocks anyone, because blocking can hide the messages.
- Block and report inside the app. Every big app has both, and reports from the account being targeted carry more weight than a parent's.
- Do not reply, and do not let your child reply. A reply is what the sender wants, and it muddies who did what if the school gets involved.
- Tell the school, in writing. Email the designated safeguarding lead or head of year with the dates and the screenshots. Ask what they will do and when you will hear back. In writing means it exists.
- Think hard before contacting the other child's parents. It sometimes helps and it often escalates. If you do, do it through the school.
- Rebuild something offline. One club, one cousin, one Saturday activity where the group chat has no reach. This is the part that actually repairs confidence.
- Check back in a week. Bullying moves apps. Ask again.
What the free tools do, and where they stop
The apps themselves do the heavy lifting: block, mute, report, restrict who can message or comment, and lock down who can see a profile. Spend twenty minutes going through the privacy settings of the one app where it is happening. It is dull and it works.
Google Family Link (free, Android and supervised Chromebooks) gives you app approvals, screen-time limits, content filters and location. Apple Screen Time (free, built into every iPhone) gives Downtime, App Limits, Communication Limits and Content & Privacy Restrictions. Both are worth setting up.
Neither can tell you your child is being bullied. They do not read messages, and they raise no alert on cruel words — that is not what they are for. The school and the app's own report button remain your real levers.
Where Safeinest helps — and where it cannot
On an Android child phone, with your child's agreement and a consent screen they read first, Safeinest checks messages and notifications as they arrive, on the device, for bullying, self-harm and sexual language. You get the kind of danger, how serious it looks, the app it came from and a few words — never the conversation, and the message never leaves their phone. Detection is English only today.
On an iPhone, no app can do that. Apple gives no app access to messages, so there are no bullying alerts on an iPhone from anyone. What works on both phones is the rest: bedtime and app limits, live location and safe zones, family calls and messages that ring on a locked phone, an SOS button, and a browser with SafeSearch forced. The honest platform-by-platform list is on our features page.
And the limits that apply everywhere: a muted app raises no notification to check, voice notes and pictures are not read, and what your child types out themselves is not seen. It is a smoke alarm, not a guarantee, and it is no substitute for the conversation.
The numbers
| Where | The number | Source |
|---|---|---|
| Europe and Canada, aged 11–15 | 1 in 6 cyberbullied, and rising | WHO/Europe HBSC, 44 countries |
| USA, aged 13–17 | 46% have experienced cyberbullying | Pew Research, 2022 |
| India, aged 10–18 | 85% — the highest of ten countries surveyed | McAfee, 2022 |
| UAE and Turkey, parents of 6–12s | 59% and 65% say their child has been bullied | Cartoon Network/YouGov |
| Children who told nobody about the worst thing they saw online | 2 in 5 | LGfL, via Internet Matters |
The fuller picture, with the trends behind these figures, is in how common online bullying really is. If it is happening in one particular app, the step-by-step version is in my child is being bullied on WhatsApp.
What to say to your child
Keep it short, and take the fear of losing the phone off the table straight away.
"Thank you for telling me. This is not your fault, and you have not done anything wrong. I am not going to take your phone away, and I am not going to ring anybody's parents tonight. Let us save what they sent, mute it so it stops buzzing, and then decide together what we do next. You get a say in that."
Then, when it is calmer: "Who else knows? Is there one adult at school you would not mind me speaking to?"
Common questions
What counts as cyberbullying?
Anything repeated and deliberately hurtful sent through a phone or a computer: cruel messages, name-calling, threats, being frozen out of a group chat, embarrassing photos shared without permission, fake accounts, or a pile-on in the comments. One nasty message is not usually bullying; a pattern is. If it makes your child dread picking up their phone, treat it seriously.
Should I take my child's phone away?
Usually not, and certainly not as the first move. The phone is where their friends and their support are, and taking it feels like punishment for being honest, which teaches them not to tell you next time. Mute the chat instead, save the evidence, and agree together where the phone sleeps at night.
Should I contact the other child's parents?
Think carefully. It sometimes settles things quickly and it often makes them worse, especially when the two families know each other. The safer route is through the school, which can speak to both children and both sets of parents without it becoming a row between adults. If you do get in touch, do it calmly and in writing.
What do I say to the school?
Email the designated safeguarding lead or head of year rather than telephoning, so there is a record. Give the dates, attach the screenshots, name the children involved if you know them, and ask two questions: what will you do, and when will I hear back. Keep the replies. Written contact is what makes a school act.
Should my child block the bully or reply?
Block, never reply. A reply is what the sender is hoping for, and it can also make your child look like part of an argument if the school reviews it. Take screenshots first, because blocking someone can hide the messages you need. Then block, report inside the app, and mute the group it came from.
How do I save evidence properly?
Screenshots that show the whole conversation, the username or number, and the date and time on the screen. Save them somewhere outside the app, in one folder, and add a short note of what happened each day. Do this before blocking anyone, since blocking often removes your access to the messages afterwards.
Can an app tell me if my child is being bullied?
On an Android phone, with your child's consent, an app can flag bullying language in messages as they arrive and tell you the kind of danger and a few words. It is English only today. It cannot see voice notes, pictures, muted apps, or what your child types themselves — and on an iPhone no app can do it at all.
Do bullying alerts work on an iPhone?
No. Apple does not allow any app to read another app's messages, so there are no message-based bullying alerts on an iPhone from any product, whatever the advertising says. On an iPhone you still get app limits through Screen Time, live location and safe zones, family calls and messages, and an SOS button.
My child begs me not to tell anyone. What do I do?
Take the fear seriously and negotiate rather than override. Ask what they are afraid will happen, and agree the smallest step that changes something: one trusted teacher, or the school's safeguarding lead, told quietly rather than the whole year group. Explain that you will tell them before you speak to anyone, and then keep that promise.
When should I go to the police?
Call 999 if there is a threat of violence or your child is in immediate danger. Otherwise start with the school, and ring the NSPCC on 0808 800 5000 to talk through whether it goes further. Threats, harassment and the sharing of sexual images involving under-18s are police matters, and the school's safeguarding lead can help you take that step.
Ready to set it up?
New here? The step-by-step setup guide walks you through both installs → — every step on Android, Chromebook and iPhone, honest limits included.